I walked slowly to the river, with tears in my eyes and anguish in my heart. Things were not going to ever be the same and I knew it. I wondered what was going to happen after this; after I let go of the things that was once all I ever wanted. I walked slower now, particularly because I didn’t want to get to the bank so quickly. I remembered the first time we spoke. I remembered all the good times.
“No, I want those days back”, I screamed, but no matter how loud I shouted nothing was going to be the same. I was going to have to wake up everyday, knowing that It was no longer mine.
Finally, I got to the bank of the river. I was emotionally torn. I badly felt like turning back, maybe things will go back to how it once was. But my instincts knew I was fighting alone.I knew that I only had the choice of carrying on with my present discomfort or letting go of everything I had once believed in. I chose the former, at least, my mind did. Change was exactly what I needed. I was tired of being reminded that I was once a liar. I was tired of being insecure.
I carried my hands high up above my head, an threw it. It was probably the hardest thing I had ever done. Tears rushed out of my eyes and I screamed. And I watched it flow away. I continued to cry and I knew that after today, I’d cry the same way for many months.
Some things are not meant to be understood. However, after rain comes sunshine. I was going to get through this eventually. And perhaps, one day I’d remember this day and smile. Pain strengths one. I was no longer the same person again and I could feel it inside me.
Quickly, I walked back. In a hurry, not to go back. We would meet again.
-27th September 2014